Just arrived in New York for the week with our creative agency and a couple of things of interest happening over here. Firstly, saw Bush on TV night doing a press meeting, the guy looked liked that creepy uncle that tries too hard to be funny and informed. He is neither. Unconvincing was not the word, when asked about the state of the economy he said “I’m not an economist” – whilst factually correct you’d want a bit more than that from the man steering the ship of the world’s economy. Perhaps a more telling story in the NY Times this morning was the agreed sale of Anheuser Busch, brewers of Budweiser to InBev of Belgium for $52bn. The are some fairly candid responses to this sale of one of America’s flagship businesses but my favourite was from Opal Henderson, St Louis “Why can’t those foreigners just stay at home and leave us what we have?”. Another guy interviewed on CNN when asked what he thought about “Bud” being bought by a company from Belgium replied, “what, Belgium in Germany?”. Excellent.

Last night was also the Baseball All Star Game at Yankee Stadium, it looked like a great event and I really like this idea of the best players picked by the fans coming together to play an exhibition game and celebrating ‘Hall of Fame’ players as well. I wonder why we don’t try this with the Premier League.

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I learned something new today.

OK, here's the situation.  My friend Miriam and I were eating lunch with 4 male co-workers today.  She all of a sudden said, "oh, I need to return a text real quick."  And all the guys were like, "Oh, this guy is into you!"  She's like, "What?!?"  So there was a long conversation about dating/relationships and what time of day and what day of the week a guy calls or texts a woman.

The main point was that, if a guy texts/calls a girl, in the middle of a work day when he is at work, he is really into her.  He likes her a lot.

So during the week, there is a huge difference between texting/calling during the middle of the day or after work.  After work isn't as significant.  And if he calls/texts in the evening then he's not into her.  And if he calls/texts while drinking beers with co-workers, after leaving a bar or late in the evening, then he's really not into her at all.  This is only good for during the week, for a guy who works a standard (8-5) work shift.  It would then vary for guys working other shifts, but the main point being the same, that if he calls/texts during his work, he's into her.

Pretty much every guy at Fidelity agreed.  They were like, I can't believe you hadn't figured this out yet.... it's pretty simple.

And some of the guys who were total players all added this:  If they are really into a girl, really like her, or just really want to get her into bed, then then will send a "Good Morning Text" where they text first thing in the morning, so their text is the first thing she gets in the morning.  They were all like, "That one is just right over the top!!"

So in my brief summation here is the general conclusion.

Time of First Call/Text of the Day         Meaning       ___   
In the middle of the work day:               Really into her.
Right after work:                                  Into her.
Evening:                                             Not into her.
At night/At a bar:                                Not into her/doesn't even respect her.
First thing in the morning:                    REALLY F-ING into her

They say it all goes back to the basic way of telling if a guy is into a girl or not.  It all depends on how much effort he is putting in towards her.

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On Tuesday this week I was a speaker at the Revolution – Digital Futures Conference in London, I was "handpicked" according to the blurb which was neither uncomfortable or as nerve-wracking as it sounds. The title of my presentation was Customer Captivation & Creating Long Term Engagement (aka Falling in Love with your Clients). I attempted to set out the challenges of building a brand and demonstrate how the process is like falling in love – to build a trusted brand you must be engaging, capture imaginations and spark conversations that will hopefully make for a long term relationship. Critically you must speak to your customers (aka loved one), think about the problem you are solving for them (if you are’t solving a problem why would they want to pay for your services?), understand how cultural and biological norms may influence engagement with you brand and product and constantly question and reevaluate your approach. As one of my favourite books, The Cluetrain Manifesto says, “Markets are conversations” - openness, transparency and a direct dialogue encourages engagement and keeps the relationship alive This process will then inform your creative output, which will in turn be influenced by the multi-media approach I am recommending.

The file is going to be uploaded to The Revolution site in a few days for anyone that wants to take a look.

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As if the world doesn't have enough neurotic disorders already (for me it all ended when I found out you can have a morbid fear of cheese - Turophobia) I discovered that the latest neurosis is the fear of being out of mobile phone contact - Nomophobia.  I was reading Philip Roth's novel Exit Ghost on the Tube home and through serendipity stumbled across this passage which summed up the question of how the world got so obsessed with mobile telephony and always being available.

"What had happened in these ten years for there to be suddenly so much to say - so much pressing that it couldn't wait to be said? Everywhere I walked, somebody was approaching me talking on a phone and someone was behind me talking on a phone. Inside the cars, the drivers where on the phone. When I took a taxi, the cabbie was on the phone ..... I had to wonder what that had previously held them up had collapsed in people to make incessant talking into a telephone preferrable to walking about under no one's surveillance, momentarilly solitary, assimilating the streets through one's animal senses and thinking the myriad thoughts that the activities of a city inspire. For me it made the streets appear comic and the people ridiculous ....... What will the consequence be? You know you can reach the other person anytime, and if you can't, you get impatient - impatient and angry like a little stupid god."

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as a kid i close my eyes
and i'm not exist

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Steps to Signup for Free:

#1.)  Under "debbie" Click On ""MyBlogLogProfile" and a new window will appear, then:

#2.)  Where the Green Strip is on top Click On "JOIN/SIGN IN" and you'll be on MyBlogLog.com page to JOIN ! 

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I recently had the opportunity to sit on a panel at a Social Networking Conference organised by Oxford University's Internet Institute and Ofcom. According to Ofcom’s report on social networking almost one in five use these sites to introduce themselves to people they don’t know.

Although it must be said that social networking is helping to increase the accessibility and normality of online dating, it is a very different proposition to a bespoke matchmaking service. Social networking sites are designed to be exactly that – places for your existing social group to communicate easily and cheaply. They just aren’t geared up as a way to introduce yourself to strangers. With this in mind, its perhaps unsurprising that the research also suggests almost half of users have private profiles to ensure their information can only be viewed by existing friends.

In preparation for the conference I read a book by Yochai Benkler called The Wealth of Networks that discusses the use of networks and reaffirms the thinking above. His research shows that for the majority of people social networks predominantly serve as a reinforcement for 'strong ties' (people we have close relationships with) and not for creating realtionships based on 'weak ties'.  

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John Mayer: Say (music video from "The Bucket List")

So last night I had a dream.

I was moving around, feeling pulled in different directions, being asked to participate in events and things that held no meaning for me. I was in this state of perpetual turmoil as I tried to find ways to twist myself to meet the needs of the others around me. As I stared at a number of commitments I made, none of them things I truly wanted or felt inspired to do, I found myself going to each person and coming up with stories or reasons as to why I would not be able to accommodate them. Avoiding the most direct and truthful reasons.

The shorter term for this would be, lying.

As I released myself from every unwanted obligation, within the dream, a new sub-obligation would make itself known to me. I would be asked to compromise. A further nudge for me to take a smaller action, less painful, but still not what I wanted to do. I acquiesced to those requests, feeling guilty about saying no and embracing my wants for myself.

As I began to drive around town in a hectic race to honor these commitments that meant nothing to me, I found myself angry. Resentful. Bitter. I complained all the while crafting the mask I would wear the moment I left my truck and pushed my thoughts and feelings more deeply into the curled Cobra that resides in my bowels. He swallowed the small mouse I offered with disdain as I negotiated for enough quiet to make it through another sacrifice.

As I continued on my travels, trying to be whatever it is I'm supposed to be for each party, I begin to take calls en route. The phone is constantly ringing. Each time it's someone telling me something that I'm supposed to believe. Something I'm supposed to think. Something I am supposed to do. Each time, with intermittent strategies of logic or arrogance or guilt, I am cajoled into accepting their truth as my own. The serpent in my stomach begins to unravel and my mind struggles to send him another mouse to keep him quiet.

As I reach my last location in the dream, I come face to face with the lies I've told in order to buy myself a little bit of peace. Lies to each of them. Lies to myself. I find one person I'm supposed to meet, standing beside another person I canceled with.  Everything in me churns and I work feverishly in my mind to build another pyramid of excuses or stories that will allow me to leave this event unscathed. Two more people come into the room, their brows furrowed with annoyance, preparing to express their frustration about something they felt I should have done for them, but didn't.

Surrounded by them, my anxiety is so high I'm feeling like I'm going to faint in front of them. Part of me wants to cry and ask them why they all can't see that I just need this tiny space to be me. The other part wants to wail at them that at some point, I'd like them to consider returning even half of the effort I am always expected to make for them. I want to be a victim. I want to apologize for lying. I even want to shame myself for my wants.  As I open my mouth to speak however, it's not my voice that leaves me. It's the Cobra. Everyone recoils in horror, trying to put as much distance between me and them. As he sits taut and ready before them, I feel all the anger he's been swallowing on my behalf. More than that, I feel a lost long sense of entitlement and the loss of the shame that was fueling my anxiety just moments before.

And in this dream, I look at all the faces standing around me with the varied expectation of me. To fix things, heal things, entertain them, accommodate them and carry the weight of the lies they make their own truths. And I begin to tell them each individually, why I have lied. And what I really want from them. What I expect from them. I apologize for my lies, but I tell them why I did it. Some of them stood awestruck. Some of them simply shrugged it off, impervious to any notion that they play a part in our dance. Others showed a glimmer of understanding.

But I didn't wait for them to answer me. I turned and I began to walk away from them. Jittery, a little shaken but feeling the biggest burden, the burden of secrets, lifted from me. I didn't look over my shoulder as I got into my truck and drove off. I wasn't worried about who would remain with me in this moment of uncomfortable truth or who would angrily turn and leave my life forever.

I no longer cared.

When I woke, I could feel the soreness in my shoulders from the reflexive action of tensing and releasing, tensing and releasing. My head felt light and airy, as it feels just before a vertiginous spin. I stared at the ceiling for a few moments, exhausted from tumultuous slumber.

I got the message loud and clear.

There is no compensating for your truest intentions and desires. There is no compromising yourself and your needs for the sake of what makes others feel comfortable. There is no bartering with your emotional, spiritual being. There is only your truth. And any time you hide, bury, overlook or try to evade your personal truth, it will come back with a vengeance like that coiled Cobra. It will demand you hear it, respect it and express it. The longer you resist, the longer you agonize and the morempainful your personal shedding of those old beliefs promises to be.

Today, my wish for you, for each and every one of us, is that we find our many truths. No matter how big and small...we must give them a voice. Find your voice, feel your every feeling, embrace your every desire that makes you free. And say what you need to say. And let no one EVER deter you from it. Therein lies our freedom.

I dedicate this to my friend Lisane, who was the first one to teach me the first steps to my personal freedom.

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Online dating thrives on social net Video Reuters.com

2008 seems set to be the year that the popularity of online dating makes it truly mainstream. Over the past couple of months, we’ve seen coverage of online dating and match.com on high profile programmes including Sky News and Working Lunch and, continuing this trend, I was recently interviewed for Reuters TV.  It’s a big step forward to be hitting these news agendas but it’s also a reflection of the fact our industry touches on so many issues that everyone can relate to.

It was great to hear from one of our match marriages, Andreas and Jane, for the Reuters TV piece. Having chatted with them, they feel that the social perception of online dating has significantly altered since they met in 2002. Apparently, no one bats an eyelid at their ‘love on the net’ story anymore which, perhaps more than anything, indicates how commonplace online dating is becoming.

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  Whenever I eat greasy AND salty food, my body just collapses. I fell asleep early evening last night after eating super yummy Indian food(kohrma?). I hate food coma. Maybe I should ask my doc.

  I woke up with my friend's call late night. Her bf dumped her. It was kinda coming.
  Her personality is very scorpio, so sometimes I, myself find it hard to deal with her sudden anger. Half of the occasions, I don't even understand why she is mad.
  But, at the bottom she is a real sweet, caring person. Too bad that she supported her, now, ex through two big challenging time(his mom's death and his audition season which didn't turn out so great), but she couldn't even lean on his shoulder after a long week of work.

  I know why she was crying so hard, though. Cause I understand how she feels.
  I give a lot of weight even when I just date. I can't do casual, no string attached dating stuff. It has been like that even in college. I wish I could, but I can't.
  I don't want to have any unsuccessful experience that requires my emotion.
  (My definition of successful experience is having a meaningful relationship at least for 9 months)
  I know it doesn't go as I plan all the time.
  I've "failed" a few times in relationships.
  Although I daydream about having beautiful relationship eventually, it still sucks so badly that taking risk makes me cringe. It sucks to the point that I don't want to feel like I'm not lovable.
 
  It's like taking auditions.
  I have taken many many auditions and lost most of them(I stopped counting how many auditions I took long time ago) You give the best of you into this and you get rejected. The result of audition is not personal, not like break up. Yet, the result of both is the big fucking failure to make it through.
  My friend and I agreed that it feels like we proved again that after all the knowledge, experience and careful/considerate plan and actings we are not lovable and we scream to ourselves "what the fuck did I mess up again?"

  Now I am much "pickier" about everything. I guess I know better about my dreams, boundaries and capabilities.
  When I take auditions or see a big possibility of building an actual relationship, I give the bestest of me carefully. And if they don't like who/what I am I decide not to feel bitter about the result.
  I can't fucking please all 9 committees in auditions. I am not going to be worried if I can please this person or not.
  I just give my true best. If you don't like it, your loss. Screw you.

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