Just a Thought!!

It’s been 1 week now since my world was thrown upside down.  I spoke with my boy the other day MD Finest and he was telling me I need to get my base back…my foundation…he believes that foundation is my wife and kids…and to a certain extent he is right…my kids are my base…my wife…well we grew apart sometime ago…my real base has and continues to be Native American!!  Yeah quite a surprise, I never thought I would be saying this to myself as I have always reminded other people of the simple fact that ‘You never know what you have until you don’t have it anymore”.  Well it appears that I am a victim of my own demise…you see I wanted to play the game and had convinced myself that I wasn’t really married anymore telling her one thing and living another.  Let me clarify, life at home was and is not that glorious at all…the Memphis Wifey and I can barely have a conversation anymore…she goes about her day and I go about mine…my day however for the past 2 years always in some way shape or form included Native American!! Oh how much did I depend on her she will never know…see she always felt like I was her crutch when in reality she was mine…I leaned on her for strength and assurance that things were going to be alright…she never understood how strong she really was and in reality how weak I was…see my weakness is not being able to tackle the difficult things that one has to face on a day to day basis…Instead of tackling these issues I would rather run away and avoid…that avoidance soon crept into Black Hawk and Native American relationship…see we really had some personal issues that we needed to deal with and instead of tackling them head on through dialogue and planning and follow through…what did Black Hawk do – I ran, avoided, laughed it off…well here I am today not able to run anymore and ready to deal with my personal issues more seriously….and yet at the end of the day she has gone…tired of the back and forth and the lies and tears…I drove her to it and can’t blame Native American…I need and will take sometime to search my soul and when I think I can feel good about myself again then maybe just maybe Native American and I can start anew…Native American’s dad sent me a e-mail yesterday and in there he expressed that “the man who shows up to do the difficult work of self-inventory and resolves to clear the path toward a higher consciousness is both brave and wise”…well I hope to be that man!!  Stay Tuned